Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
