there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
