I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
