He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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