North Korea, Best Korea!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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