walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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