I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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