I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
