Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
