Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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