Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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