why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
