come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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