you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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