would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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