i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
