My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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