his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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