We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
