dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
