We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
