you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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