Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
