I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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