; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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