Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
