i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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