Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
