so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
