so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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