thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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