I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
