he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
