Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
