Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
