This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
