bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
