where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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