so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize