Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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