Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
