I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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