perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
