I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is Oprah even human
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
