This is not my ceiling
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize