We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My pussy is not your playground.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
