It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
