i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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