flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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