She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
