There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
