Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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