I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
