did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You smell like stripper and shame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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