he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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