I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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